Looks like a date.
Walks like a date.
Smells like a date.
Eats like a date.
But it’s no date.
I am dating no one.
See that makes no sense without any background so I will lay my heart on my sleeve and put it all out there and hopefully (you will be kind) and maybe give me an idea as what is actually happening.
I met this guy two months ago via a dating website.
We emailed and emailed and emailed until we met in person.
This man is shy but very sweet and has lovely arms (big fan of that) and is kind.
So we go on non date number one which is at a local café, an institution if I may call it, Gus Café in the city of Canberra. The non date was just supposed to be a coffee and ended up being dinner and more drinks. It was probably the best non date I have ever been on. It was so easy and comfortable. No awkward moments. Before the non date ended, he had already organised another one.
Second and third non dates were quite similar – drink, dinner and more drinks but no touching, no attempt to brush my hand or arm at any point.
Fourth non date was a walk around Lake Burley Griffin, the Kingston Markets and then the sharing of food while we walked back around the lake. Non date ended but not before another one was set up (but again no attempt to show any affection).
Fifth non date was at a local country show and I decided the gloves were off. I was going to make to flirt (and please note, I cannot flirt and find it very difficult) so it went like this… we delicately nudged each other while we joked (for me, it was to make physical contact with him; no idea what he was on about). Then he wanted me to see the house he bought nearby so we walked together and I stayed close and ‘accidentally’ brushed his hand; he didn’t try to touch my hand.
Then as he walked me to my car and I had taken one of his flowers from his house, I smelt the flower and very subtly held it to my nose and smelt it, and then held it to his to smell, while keeping my eyes on him. And NOTHING!
So I kissed him goodbye on the cheek and as I moved to my car, he suggested catching up again… I think this is the pattern.
Skip to the eighth date and I was invited to a family birthday dinner. His younger brother was celebrating his birthday with his girlfriend and best friend and I was invited. Now to me meeting family is serious… FOR A FREAKING EIGTH DATE! WITH NO KISS!
I don’t get it. When it ended, I stood there, ready and waiting for the kiss to happen. I was standing close (very close) and NOTHING!!! What the fuck! Sorry about the language but seriously! I don’t get it, I just don’t get it.
Without tooting my horn, I am not unattractive, I have a great set of breasts that I am quite proud of and have complemented on in the past, by past boyfriends too, and my arse is nice and high. SO WHAT THE HELL!?!
I need help. I need to know if I am misreading the signs and the man is just interested in friendship. And, I must tell you, if he is, I am a happy with that too. He is a very sweet man, whom I would love to have a friend if that was all on offer.
Obviously, I would like more.
So do I ask the question, I do not want to ask… are we just friends or is something more?
No one likes to put themselves out there; especially me.
I am confident with every other aspect of my life but when it comes to men, I have absolutely no fucking idea. Sorry about the language but it I need to emphasise how crap I am with getting any attention from the opposite sex.
So, your thoughts?
Is this man friend? Or more?
5 comments:
I am a very shy guy when it comes to 'taking the next step' and I certainly never assume that just because I want to move in for a kiss that the girl I'm with is thinking the same way. It's a tough ask sometimes, and without a really clear indication that you're not going to get shot down some guys won't embarrass them selves. Yes, the pair of you have spent heaps of time together. Yes, you are getting along very well and you both like the look of each other, but have you really made it clear what's on your mind. I realise by the time you read this the two of you will probably have sorted this out and will be going at it like monkeys. However if you're not, stop for a second and ask yourself if you have been as up front as you could be, or are you sending a vibe that is making him wait. Sometimes just being there isn't enough to seal the deal. If all else fails just kiss him, guys love that, seriously.
Ah good point Daredevil. He is a shy guy and it seems he wants to get to know me.
No one likes to be shot down.
Everyone feels like they are 16 again when standing in front of someone they like, hoping they like them back (i don't want to sound like a Julia Roberts' movie but its true).
I decided the other night to take the plunge and tell him that i like him, that i like hanging out with him and enjoy spending time with him.
Hie response:
i really like you, i like hanging out with you and enjoy spending time with you. Is that ok?
Now I starting edging closer to my car for a quick getaway and think he said is that ok, for now... but i cant be sure, and i don't want to ask (note, the 16 old girl in me is coming out).
I think I need to get to know him more and then make a better assessment (jesus i sound like i am writing a report).
He is sweet and i enjoy hanging out with him, and its enough for now for me but only if it goes somewhere.
I am not asking for fireworks but i want someone who wants to stand next to me, support me and love me - who doesn't want that?
Bah! Its not that hard. I think I am making hard and just need to remember to relax and go with the flow... maybe i need a glass of wine to do that first.
Ah going at it like monkeys... ah jeez that killed me. Too good.
Nice one!
Yes it does sound like you are compiling a full psychological work-up on this guy. But don't ever feel bad about thinking too much; it's what separates us from the Bogans. I don't know you at all, but I am certain that you deserve someone who makes all your cells jump when you are with them, and someone whose cells are jumping for you also. It's not a crime to want that sort of connection. It's not a fairy tale or Hollywood dream. It's real and I sincerely hope that everyone gets a shot at it, sometime in their life.
So check your pulse, then check your head and ask yourself if this is doing it for you. Is it something that might lead to the relationship gold-fields, or is it another stepping stone on that rocky path to Mr Right (who ever the hell he is). It's so much better to know what you don't want from someone and to be true to yourself. From what I've read so far you don't sound like you have much to worry about!
By the way, I hope India is still on track. I have an Uncle who has lived there for the last 25 years (he was born in Borrowa, outside Yass if you can believe it) and he simply loves the place. Every single dirty, crowded, noisy, historic inch of it. I would offer to connect you while you're there but he lives way down south in Thiruvannaamalai, out of your flight path, and runs an Ashram so is not the ideal tour guide. I am planning to see him in 2011 for a few weeks if I can arrange a visa. Anyhow, have a ball; I'm looking forward to hearing your views on the whole place
Oh thanks Daredevil. You have given really good advice. Very appreciative of it.
I am going to stop thinking so much (well I will try) and just let the chips fall where they want. There is no point pushing something that might not be right.
I am so excited about India. Man your uncle would have so many fantastic stories. What a life he must have!
Don’t worry, I will be blogging about it the moment I get back… scouts honour.
Post a Comment