What makes a good friend?

The question was put to me by a friend who sent a text message venting her anguish and stress after having a bad day.

She called out asking for the family and friends that never supported her, and who never listened to her to sod off.

In her words, a friend is someone who provides a whole lot of support, a huge amount of listening (not hearing) and a large quantity of talking through (not solving) problems and only a touch of judgement if required.

She’s right!

My response to her text and the people who continually pull her down and make her question herself was ‘fuck em, fuck em all I say’.

These people are only pulling her down because they are jealous and insecure about themselves and the lives they have lost out of sheer fear of failure.

So they sit at home and criticise everyone else and make them repeat their failings so they can feel better about themselves. It has nothing to do with my friend or me.

They just want to bring you down, put you in your place, and make you feel insecure because it’s a reflection of their insecurities, not yours.

The thing that pisses me off is that they are supposes to be your friend.

Yeah you’re friend can advise and tell you that it might not be a good idea but in the end if you choose to go the opposite direction, you expect your friend to say, I will still be there.

That’s their job! Because you would do that for them.

When I came back from a year away overseas, I made the decision to rid myself of the insecurities and negativity that had dogged me for years. These people I believed were my friends. In the end, I got tired of always listening to their problems, their issues and their insecurities. I got tired of always having to be there for them and they didn’t bother to turn around and say, hey what’s going on with you, and actually mean it. Not use to then talk about themselves again

These people who are no longer in my life, and if they were to read this, they know they deserved it. And if the selfless arses don’t then I am better off without them in my life.

My year overseas opened my eyes.

I saw myself for the first time.

And when I came home, I made the promise to myself that no-one, NO-ONE, would ever make me feel insecure, question myself or make me feel bad about myself.

No one would make me feel that I couldn’t do anything.

Or tell me that I was only in my position because of them.

Or second guess myself or poison relationships with friends or more in order to have my full attention.

No one will ever have that control anymore.

And if the fuckers want to try, all I have to say is,  fuck em, fuck em all I say!

Well cupid has a funny way of showing its arse!

For the past three weeks, I have not been able to hide the stupidest grin on my face and acting like a 16 year old school girl whose milkshakes bring the boys to the yard.

I shall put it in context before I shame myself, and my poor mother.

A month ago, I went to a dinner with a friend of mine, whom I have had strong feelings for some time but thought it wasn't wise to poke that bear because of the strong friendship.

So at this dinner, I decided to.... well poke the bear.

Let's keep it clean people!

I decided to flirt and see what the reaction might be and since I am worst flirter, he didn't pick up a single thing... not the brushing of my leg against his, playing with my hair, possibly brushing my hand up and down my chest (sorry mum) and staring at him intently. Yeah see a normal flirter would be able to make it obvious but alas, I am not gifted with the art of flirting. So nothing happened.

He dropped me off at home, and drove off. Whatever!

Anyway, me being me, started to get in my head about what to do and should I say something. I am such a chicken shit that I said nothing for a whole one day. Ok half a day!

I called in a friend of mine at work into my office and decided to tell her that I had feelings for said friend and …. nothing, nothing, nothing and then a cute smile. She said I had to say something to him because there was no way I was going to be able to be comfortable here on now.

So when he came into my office (yes he works at my work, and yes he works in a different team), we did our usual chat about how we had fun at the dinner and blah blah blah. Here is the abridged version:

Me: How that dinner good fun, right?
Him: Yeah I had a great time.
Me: I really did have fun and it was so cool just hanging out with you and chilling.
Him: Always is fun.
Me: Oh did you hear the others bugging me about you and I making a go of it.
Him: Yeah, same old, same old,
Me: So about that, what do you think?
Him: __________________________________________________

That went for a few seconds or minutes, I couldn't tell. He just stared at me.

Yeah that was frigging uncomfortable!

Anyway he says "am I serious", I say "yes" and then he walks away. "That's it?" That's exactly what I said out loud.

Fast forward a few days of awkwardness (all on my part cause I'm a freak) and very nice flirting back and forth, I decided a call to a dear friend of mine was in order. Happened to be a three hour and 45 minute conversation with darling friend who was a little stressed out and I decided to drink wine without eating food... not a good idea but she made me realise that I needed to calm the hell down.

And while I was slightly ill when he kissed for the first time, everything else seemed to calm down and I stopped being in my head and go with it. And that's where I leave it - a girl never kiss and tells.

And while its only three weeks, I am enjoying every minute of it. I am going with flow.

There are no expectations of each other. He knows me already because of our friendship so I don't even have to try to win him over. I'm good.

You can say: I am one happy camper!!!