When did it get all so hard?

I have been keeping a secret, my parents have decided that they need some time apart and after over 30 years of marriage are living in separate houses.

Now they are not calling it a separation, more of time apart while they sort their shit out.

Other than the obvious pain this is causing me, the fact they are not telling anyone is putting immense pressure, emotionally and mentally, on my brothers and I.

Honestly, I can't deal with it any more and the stress is starting to impact my life. And why?

It's not like I didn't see it coming, it was in the making since I was 13 years old... I am now 28. So its no surprise but it still doesn't lessen the pain or shock of their decision.

So tonight I went to dinner at my father's place and I knew he was already in a bad mood the moment I walked in. I sat down, did the small talk and then my brother made a snippy comment about something and the gloves were off (later he admitted that he was dealing with some personal shit, nothing to do with the family but still that was said later).

I then talked about place-mats and mentioned something about ones you can find that are easy to wipe down than clothes mats but I had to say it twice and sighed. My father saw it as a criticism of him and that I thought he was going into dementia. Whereas I saw it as maybe I was talking too fast and needed to slow down. I have been told I talk way too fast and can turn into mumbling so I said did I talk too fast, he saw the comment as patronising. I don't see why. It was about me talking too fast and I do but still...

Anyway it descended into a crap-hole and my brother and I left. I didn't want to leave it like that but I had no voice and we left. Now I am feeling like shit and guilty. I am reliving the conversation in my head trying to see where I could have shut my mouth and said nothing but I can't tip toe around my family. I won't do it but maybe I have to for a while..

I just need to start distancing myself and getting my life back on track.

I can't be worrying about them because they need to start sorting their shit out between the two of them, and the two of them only.

Arrgggghhhh!!! Life is freaking hard sometimes.

I just want hug them and make it all better but sometimes there is so much a daughter can do.

Why do we do it?

When I was single, I complained about not being in a relationship.

When I was in a relationship, I complained that I wanted to be single.

This thought is not subject to women only, men have the same thought bubbles.

So why do we enter into relationships knowing the majority are doomed to end into tiny broken pieces?

Is it about sex?

Companionship?

Having (a) travel, (b) dinner, (c) movie, (d) sitting in a park buddies.

The fear of dying alone?

Am I missing anything?

I personally don’t have these thought patterns.

I don’t have a fear of dying alone.

I can travel on my own. And have.

I can eat out at restaurants on my own.

I can go to movies on my own.

I can sit in a park on my own.

I have friends and family for companionship.

Ah but last but not least is sex.

You got me there.

Do you need to have a relationship to get it?

As a woman, only wanting that, and nothing else, does it constitute all sorts of slurs on one’s reputation?

If so, why aren’t men subject to the same slurs?

Why do they just get high fives and slaps on the back but women are subjected to slurs such as ‘cheap’, ‘skant’, ‘slut’ or ‘slapper’?

This isn’t the first time this has been brought up.

I am not Germaine Gree.

I only mention it because it hasn’t changed.

Society still hasn’t changed.

It doesn’t matter if Sex and the City revolutionised women in the 21st century, a slut is a slut.

All the Samantha’s in the world can never change how your friends, family and peers see you.

And you won’t ignore it.

Society is built around judging others.

How people see you.

What people think of you.

Everyone wants to be accepted.

Anyone who tells you they don’t care what people think of them … IS A DOWNRIGHT FILTHY LIAR!!!

What do we think?

Followers? What's going on here?

I am not feeling any love.

I sense that with no followers... possibly this blog is boring.

Feedback would be nice... be kind.

Remember its harder to be a bitch then it is to say a nice word.

Hugs!!

They really should tell you that shit up front!

Right I have been on three dates with this man and thought there was potential for something until I went on the fourth date. Everything changed and ended on the fourth date.

First of all he was ten minutes late and had sent a text saying if I was late he would start without me. A no no. You wait for your date. Even if it means ordering a drink for yourself (and her) and waiting. I don't care if you're supposedly starving, you are never that hungry.

Second I arrive and he isn't there. So I sit down and wait for him, while have a squiz at the menu to see what I wanted to eat. He shows up, sits down, and doesn't even greet me. What the hell!!

Anyway water under the bridge for me, until he started making conversation.

He started talking about people from European backgrounds and his problems with them. Yes I was amazed that he thought it was bright to bring that up when he is sitting across from someone who is of Italian heritage (and he knew it too). For Christ sake! My parents were born in Italy and came over to Australia. But no for this boy (and use the term boy because a man is smarter than that) he starts to claim that Greek people are dodgy and will rip you off, Serbians start wars but don't worry I like Italians. Its a nice country but the southern part is a little slow. WHAT THE HELL!!!!

I managed to eat my food (quickly too) and smiled and said well you have the right to your opinion, even if you are not basing it on anything. He said that his father had apparently been done over by three businesses which happened to be owned by people of Greek heritage and that was enough for him to be racist.

Me thinks that at this point a smart man would shut the hell up but no this is a boy and an idiot. He proceeded to talk about women who work and he prefers them to stay at home. This was the final straw and I quickly swallowed my wine and asked for the bill.

His response was 'oh this is awkward' and 'I am only stirring'! No. No. No. This isn't stirring this is being racist and discriminatory. A boy with a view that women should remain at home with babies and some how that I have a career is something that he isn't comfortable with. Yeah you can jam that with walnuts.

I said bye bye now and went on my merry way. He called while I was driving home, and in the morning too (both times I never answered) and then sent a pathetic text message saying I hope I didn't offend you and that I had fun at dinner.

My response, I was offended and what you said was over the line for me. Said good luck but good bye. As any boy reacts he decided to respond and said that I was overreacting but good luck to me.

Being a racist is a deal breaker for me.

There is no need to being sprouting that shit in the 21st century.

Keep that shit to yourself, no one wants to here you bigoted, racists comments.

And that's why I dumped his arse! I am definitely not sharing my spare time with an idiot.