I know, I know but I can't help it

I talk too much.

I talk to the point where I actually feel a sense of guilt because I feel like I've stopped people from talking because I won't shut the fuck up!

I'm not talking shit - well not too much shit - but I am talking up more air than usual.

I was sitting at work today and I just stopped. I didn't say much for the whole day because I felt that I spent the last 24 hours talking and it was just ridiculous. I talked about work, things on television, random things. So usual.

Today I decided kept quiet and close my mouth shut. It's guilt. It's odd because I don't know where this guilt comes from but it's there, it's real and it's strong.

Anyway I need to close my mouth sometimes because sometimes someone else has something to say and sometimes I can't hear because I AM TALKING TOO MUCH.

LOL at least I can laugh.

xxx

Ah that's what it feels like

I woke yesterday morning with a big smile on my face and a weight off my shoulders.

I can't explain it. I don't know what happened. I don't remember anything changing but I felt like me again.

I felt like smiling.

I felt like laughing.

And nothing was fake. Nothing was exaggerated. It was all real because I felt calm and happy.

And it continues. I feel exactly the same on day two. Can't it? Can't be real? Will it suddenly go away? Who knows but I'm enjoying it while its here.

I spent much of yesterday cooking and baking, and bought myself a second hand red leather jacket that made me feel gorgeous and hot. I felt very sexy. And I don't usually say that about myself.

I cooked a lasagne and a stew and decided to bake my man a chocolate truffle cake just because he has been putting up with a moody, sulky, whingy bitch. I know it. He doesnt say it (and hopefully doesnt think it. ;-) ). I don't like being that person because its not me. It never was. Just the job, my family, some friends and the world got to me and invited it. I have now decided enough is enough and I'm come first. And without being selfish, my happiness comes first because without it, everything and everyone else around me is affected.

So whatever cloud, mist, fog, shit parade has been dumped me on me in the past year it can fuck off, cause I'm not interested and I don't want to hear it anymore. Because its not my problem.

I feel very calm and relaxed. Its odd but I like it.